Doctor Hastings looked over the whiteboard again, trying to follow his own equation. He put the marker down and rubbed his cramping hand as he traced the dense scribbles once more across the wall, coming to the same conclusion as before. Doctor Meyers walked up alongside him, looking not at the whiteboard but at Hastings' face as he finally accepted what he had done.
"Meyers... I've mathematically proved the existence of God." Hastings expected ridicule, but Meyers just nodded and pointed to another whiteboard across the room. Curious, Hastings walked over and tried to read the equation.
"Okay, it... hmm. You... you seem to have proven that time literally is money."
Meyers nodded again. "I have. Finished a while ago, mine was simpler than yours. Johnson is still working... I can't be sure and I don't want to interrupt him, but I think he's calculating the volume and temperature of hell."
Hastings could already feel a headache coming on. "This isn't possible. This... these aren't things we can be proving like this. I mean, even if God and hell are real we wouldn't have the information we need, and as for time being money in a literal sense..."
"I know, I know. But it appears to be true. Clearly, the basic laws that the universe is built on have been twisted in some way."
Looking like he was in a sort of trance, Doctor Johnson joined the conversation. "Hell has a fascinating system going... the heat is immense, but the weather pattern leaves a sort of ‘eye of the tornado’ and at the center it's close to absolute zero - this actually backs up Dante's earlier findings."
All three nodded sagely, unsure of how to continue.
"So..." Meyers ventured, "Is it the whole universe that has changed, or something in this lab? What have we been working on?"
"My research is all theoretical," Hastings said, "and yours is still within ranges other labs have produced."
Meyers shrugged. "Well then, what are you working on, Johnson?"
Johnson pondered this for a moment. "Airborne dispersal of psychotropic drugs."
Hastings laughed. "That's not even remotely based on physics! Well then, we have to assume that it's the whole universe instead of just us. Also, have you guys ever looked at your hands? I mean, really looked at them?"
The scientists were forced to admit they had not.
Hi, I've just read your last two stories and think they've very quirky and original (yes, I had to read through each twice to convince myself that I understood). Looking forward to future posts, fellow newbie!
ReplyDeleteIn the 8th grade, I once proved that time was equal to mass, or maybe it was mass cubed. I lost the paper it was on and never managed to reproduce it. :-)
ReplyDeleteI remember you telling me that, and thought about it while writing this.
ReplyDeleteVery well done!
ReplyDeleteI invented a death ray of sorts in middle school. A ball of mirrors facing inwards, charged by a light source. Eventually these became one-way mirrors in later plans like they have in stores to catch shoplifters while remaining hidden, one mirror could be slid open to release the light. It was a pretty neat idea, gaining light energy over time and glowing brighter and brighter as it did.