I was at a Cinco de Mayo party last night, tossing back cheap beer with other Americans. Other than the bartender I saw maybe three Mexicans, which just goes to show that Cinco de Mayo is the new St. Patrick's Day. Now I'm in my hotel room, lying in the bath and simultaneously trying to remember and forget the fifth.
Despite what the hangover implies I'm here on business, but I'm being paid under the table so if anyone asks I'm in Tijuana for a vacation. I've been laying low, looking for my target, ready to smuggle him back into the United States. Border Patrol knows to let me through even if I'm carrying something that looks like a human wrapped in a tarp, and while you'd think that they would be against anything heading north over the border they're fine with getting someone back to face trial - not that there'll be a trial, but I had to tell them something. No trial for this one, just a plain cell.
The subject has been on the run since 1947, and the government had hoped that he had died in the desert somewhere, but this guy is clever. His escape was genius - everyone has heard of it, though only a few people know it was a jailbreak. The government covered it up with the truth, and people tried to expose the cover-up with lies... what a tangled web we weave, right?
I saw the evidence, still in storage after all these years. The General told me I would be hunting a dangerous mastermind, a 'cannibal' whose very existence was top secret. He led me down into the storage area and pulled out a large box that was filled with what appeared to be mylar, balsa wood, and some faded fabric.
"What the hell is this?" I asked - I had expected a collection of still-bloody knives or something I guess. Instead, the General just sighed and said, "It's just a balloon."
Everyone knows that in '47 something crashed down outside of Roswell, New Mexico. The government made some mumbled 'flying saucer' comments and then quickly changed their story and said it was a balloon - a weather balloon first, though later they admitted it was for keeping an eye on the Russians. The more reliable accounts of the wreckage seem to support this, and in fact it's the truth.
What people don't know is that it was a diversion. The actual alien had escaped from its cell under Holloman Air Force Base, hidden his captured saucer so it would look like he had gotten it started back up, and launched the balloon. While the air force tried to track him down and converged on the beacon strapped to the balloon, the alien had set out on foot. Knowing his diet, the people in charge kept an eye out for murders where the body had been partly consumed, but no pattern emerged.
Now I'm here, sent to investigate a sighting of el Chupacabra. Instead it seems to have found me, drunk from my Cinco de Mayo festivities - still, it has to be the most polite human-eating alien ever. Ice clinking against the edge of the tub, I reach for the phone and look again at the hand-written sign in front of me.
YOU'RE KIDNEE HAS BEEN REMOVD CALL A DOCTORS. SORRY.
Some of the ideas contained in the story above are mine, some are not. I was hanging around the NaNoWriMo forums a few years back, and I wanted to do something involving aliens and urban legends and things. I talked to people about ways to combine them, and some ideas were donated to me... I contributed as well, but to be honest I no longer know which bits are mine. I suspect that the best parts are not, but I the old forums get wiped every year so I can't look up the conversation anymore. At any rate, I was given permission to use the ideas... so here they are.
ReplyDeleteGreat story!
ReplyDeleteA few detail changes would make it slightly more fun for UFO nuts; in particular I note that the Groom dry lake bed was not in use between 1945 and 1955; so an escape in 1947 doesn't make much sense. You could go with Wright-Patterson AFB instead; that's where all the roswell evidence was taken, where project blue book was headquartered, etc.
Also, small typo in your comment: but I the old forums get wiped every year -> but the old forums ...
Oh, okay. Hmm. I guess Holloman Air Force Base would make sense... not as cool, of course. :)
ReplyDeleteDude. Fun piece. Your critic(s) is(are) a little on the uptight side. I'd leave the piece as-is.
ReplyDeleteOh I should mention. I've been trying to change my name to Jalice or Alice (whatever I can get to stick with family members who are used to calling me Jill), so anyway the above comment is from "Jill" Alice May
ReplyDeleteNo, no, it was a valid point - part of the fun of the story is to have it line up with the conspiracies / urban legends but ALSO the accepted facts. Having the alien at a base that didn't get built until years later messes that up.
ReplyDeleteBut I also will take your advice and leave it as-is, because it was already fixed by the time you got there. Holloman AFB is where the balloons for Project Mogul were launched from in real life, so that fits better.
I feel that it's my duty to be pedantic and provide whatever constructive criticism I can. Part of the reason Steven is writing every day is so that he can improve his (already kick-ass) writing skills. Steven should know (and I think he already does) that he can shut me up with a simple request at any time, and I'll revert to read-and-enjoy mode rather than read-and-enjoy-and-criticize.
ReplyDelete