Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Daily Story 126: Different Perspectives

HEADER: 167.88.004
TO: SMADDEN@MAINTENANCE.MODERATION
SUBJECT: Recent Edits, File 10040823


Dear Mr. Madden,

I see that my recent updates are being disputed and are in danger of being reverted. I'm sure that you mean well, but I think my edits speak for themselves; there is a drastically positive trend from my change right up to the Nedströms Barrier. I am of the opinion that any minor concerns can be addressed downstream from this change and it should therefore remain in place.

Stephen

------

HEADER: 167.88.005
TO: SFRY@MAINTENANCE.EDITING
SUBJECT: RE: Recent Edits, File 10040823


Mr. Fry,

I appreciate your polite tone and will try my best to match it, but let's just cut to the chase: You broke the rules. Editors much smarter than you have gone down that road, and feel confident that it leads to ruin. You could have read their findings but instead you were impatient and made an edit that you were expressly told not to when you were certified. I want to be clear - it is not 'in danger of being reverted', it is GUARANTEED to be reverted on the very next wipe. This isn't open to discussion.

Sam Madden
Moderator IV

------

HEADER: 167.88.006
TO: SMADDEN@MAINTENANCE.MODERATION
SUBJECT: RE: Recent Edits, File 10040823


Sir,

Your complete unwillingness to listen to reason is beyond frustrating. This is a baseless stigma in our culture, and you have a responsibility as a Moderator to use the powers of logic and critical thinking that God gave you rather than just repeating absurd and outdated nonsense. There is nothing magical about World War II or about Hitler himself - it is just an event like any other.

------

HEADER: 167.88.007
TO: SFRY@MAINTENANCE.EDITING
SUBJECT: RE: Recent Edits, File 10040823


I'm going to use my powers of logic and critical thinking to deduce that you are one of those unfortunates that actually believes the tripe in that 'dark future' conspiracy video. That someone so easily duped by poorly-researched lies is able to obtain an Editing license makes me weep for the future.

Let me try this again, in the hopes that you will understand: Don't mess with Hitler's timeline. At all. Ever. If you had bothered to actually read the NUMEROUS reports on this issue, you would understand why - but since you would rather get the abbreviated, edited, fictionalized version I doubt you'll do that.

------

HEADER: 167.88.008
TO: SMADDEN@MAINTENANCE.MODERATION
SUBJECT: RE: Recent Edits, File 10040823


"Moderator",

I'm making the timeline a better place, and you are openly confirming the conspiracy you scoff at by so callously reverting this beneficial edit. It's a relatively small change in the course of accessible time - whether he is assassinated or commits suicide, dies in July of '41 or in April of '45, cannot be given any weight. What we need to look at instead is the impact it has on the flow of history as a whole, you insufferable prick. So what if the war is a little longer my way - the actual body count is lower due to the avoidance of the plague that followed. Using unknowable events beyond the Nedströms Barrier like some sort of bogeyman is irresponsible at best. You are a murderer and an idiot.

------

HEADER: 167.88.009
TO: SFRY@MAINTENANCE.EDITING
SUBJECT: RE: Recent Edits, File 10040823


Am I talking to a brick wall? We NEED to worry about the barrier. By the time it advances enough to access 2012 and see how royally you've screwed us all the Uppströms barrier will have sealed up your edit. This sixty-five year window is all we have, and if we act like idiots and screw up history downstream we're going to have to spend every second trying to repair it. In light of your total refusal to listen to reason, I'm recommending your license be revoked.

------

HEADER: 167.88.010
TO: SMADDEN@MAINTENANCE.MODERATION
SUBJECT: RE: Recent Edits, File 10040823


Mr. Douchebag,

Fine! You win, you fascist genocidal son of a bitch. Revert it - I can at least sleep at night. Have it your way, let Hitler be assassinated. I can't believe you're so afraid of that stupid cold war - it ended peacefully, within accessible time. It's over. The worst I'm responsible for is nuclear weapons being detonated in Japan, but that region was going to be ravaged by the Zebra Pox anyway. Go ahead and save Hitler. I hope you burn in hell.

------

HEADER: 167.88.011
TO: SFRY@MAINTENANCE.EDITING, #REVIEW@MAINTENANCE.ADMINISTRATION
SUBJECT: RE: Recent Edits, File 10040823


Dear Mr. Fry,

I'm including the review board on this reply so they can be made aware of our respective complaints. Unfortunately for you they, at least, are aware that all signs point to the leftover nuclear arsenals from the cold war being used in 2012 to effectively wipe out humanity. You should get down on your knees and thank the Lord that you're not living in a world where the war lasted past 1943.

Sam Madden
Moderator IV