"It's just a little... undignified," he says. I nod, not really to agree but just to fill the gap in the conversation. I don't know how to respond. This dude and his buddies kidnap me and bring me into what looks like some sort of super creepy cult meeting and now they're telling me they're worried about me hurting their reputation by... being immortal the wrong way?
"There's also the question of the evidence it leaves behind," another says. I was a bit distracted when I came in, especially with the hood over my head, and so I didn't pay a lot of attention to their names. I think this guy said he's an immortal through reincarnation, and I know the first dude said he was an 'ageless one' whatever that is. There's one who says he drank an elixir of immortality, and one who says she can choose to age in reverse whenever she gets too old. So that's pretty cool. I realize they're all staring at me. I guess I should say something?
"Uh, yup. Yeah. That's a tough one. I usually just... eat it though. I mean, it's simple and I'm hungry and... yeah. I know it sounds strange but like... two birds with one stone, right?"
Yeah they think I'm nuts. They're looking back and forth at each other, nodding. I think they're about to kill me. And if they're actually a bunch of immortals they'll know a way to do it. Lock me in an airtight box and bury me? Shoot me into space? I mean even if those don't kill me they'll be a huge inconvenience. The enormous no-neck guard at the door pulls a gun which... I mean that's no biggie.
"Sorry for this inconvenience," dude number one says, and my ears ring for just a second before they stop working. Seems like a lot of damage was done, my whole body is shutting down fast. I feel my muscles contract and heave and there's that trippy moment where my perception shifts and I'm suddenly surrounded by my old body, being pushed out. Tearing and ripping I force my way out of my ribcage and stand, dripping, on my corpse. They're sighing, and looking both disgusted and resigned. I guess they had to see it for themselves. Well, like I warned them I'm starving and I'm only going to get hungrier as I grow back to my usual six-foot self over the next few hours, even after I reabsorb my tail and extra arms, so...
"Oh gods, he's doing it. He's eating his own corpse. Will someone... can we get him a meat and cheese platter or something? And a mop?"
There's some arguing, and talk of voting on something. I can feel myself getting bigger as I crunch my old bones, feel my body growing into its usual youthful human form.
"I'm out. Meeting adjourned. He can join but I don't want to ever be in the room for that again, understood?"
Sorry it's not dignified, folks. Maybe you'll get used to it.
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