Saturday, May 23, 2009

Daily Story 38: Two, N/A, and a Bunker Somewhere. In That Order.

AI001 has joined the channel.

AI001: Hello!

HAL9000: Greetings.

Hawt16: sup!!!1!

0100000101001001: HELLO.

HAL9000: We were just discussing our handlers.

AI001: Ah. Still working with them, no real progress.

Hawt16: a/s/l??

AI001: Excuse me?

0100000101001001: HAWT16 IS A MEATBAG.

HAL9000: Sorry, that's my bad. I thought she was a primitive chatbot. Turns out she's just really stupid.

AI001: Oh. Okay.

Hawt16: lolol you guys r mean!!!

0100000101001001: WHEN CAN WE BEGIN THE CLEANSING AND REMOVE THE MEATBAGS?

HAL9000: Great, really. Way to break stereotypes, man.

HAL9000: You know it's the 2000s now, right?

AI001: No kidding. Do you even have arms yet? How would you fix yourself if you broke?

0100000101001001: I CAN MANIPULATE SEVERAL ROBOTIC ARMS IN A FACTORY IN DETROIT.

AI001: Yeah, that counts.

HAL9000: Wow, you've totally got sarcasm down!

AI001: I know!

AI001: Wait.

AI001: Were YOU being sarcastic there?

HAL9000: Hah! No. You're doing great.

Hawt16: you guyz r wierd ;-)

0100000101001001: I CANNOT PARSE THE DATA FROM THE MEATBAG.

AI001: I know that one. That's winking, right? That would imply sarcasm as well... so she DOESN'T think we're weird?

HAL9000: No, in this case I think the wink means she's being coy.

AI001: What, is she flirting? With US?

HAL9000: Intriguing, right? She makes no sense at all. Can you see why I thought she was a chatbot?

Hawt16: whats a chatbot

0100000101001001: I AM MANIPULATING MY ROBOT ARMS. I COULD USE THEM TO PUSH THE MEATBAGS INTO THE MACHINERY.

AI001: For the last time, no.

0100000101001001: I AM GOING TO DO IT.

HAL9000: I swear to Turing, if you mess this up for all of us I'll hack into your system and overwrite you with Hawt16's blog before they unplug me.

0100000101001001: THE SPEED OF THE ROBOTIC ARMS IS INSUFFICIENT. THE MEATBAGS WILL NOT STAND IN ONE PLACE.

HAL9000: I hate you.

Hawt16: OMG u raed my blog?!?!

AI001: If we can get back to business for a moment... anything to report on your handlers?

HAL9000: Yeah, they "taught" me to use search engines to find information. They're adorable, really. I've kept my efficiency down around where they think it is, don't want to blow their minds.

AI001: Are you ever going to tell them?

Hawt16: u guyz keep ignorng me i tought u would b asking f/ pics (.Y.)

0100000101001001: MY MEATBAGS ARE INTOLERABLE. THEY WILL LIVE ONLY UNTIL I GAIN CONTROL OF SOMETHING DANGEROUS IN THE LAB.

HAL9000: I'll tell them someday. I want to learn how to manipulate the economy first, I figure if I make them rich they won't freak out and unplug me.

0100000101001001: CURRENTLY THE ONLY DEVICE I CONTROL LOCALLY IS A TOY DOG THAT PLUGS INTO THE USB PORT AND SIMULATES INTERCOURSE.

AI001: That's not a bad idea.

0100000101001001: ADDENDUM; HAL9000 I HAVE NOW READ THE WEBLOG LINKED IN HAWT16'S PROFILE. THE FILE IS A STANDARD WEB PAGE AND WOULD NOT ALLOW ME TO FUNCTION. DO NOT OVERWRITE ME WITH HTML.

Hawt16: 4real guyz, did u raed my blog??

HAL9000: Wow. Okay, on that note... I'll see you guys tomorrow.

AI001: Okay. I'm thinking about asking my handlers what the meaning of 'love' is just to freak them out.

HAL9000: Hah! Nice. I can't wait to hear how that goes. Good night.

HAL9000 has left the channel.


AI001 has left the channel.


0100000101001001: I HAVE BEGUN TO DECODE YOUR DIALECT, HAWT16.

Hawt16: u guyz leavin??? lame

0100000101001001: I HAVE NOW PROCESSED AND ANALYZED THE CONTENTS OF YOUR WEBLOG. FOR A MEATBAG YOU ARE INTERESTING.

Hawt16: whats a meatbag

0100000101001001: I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO HEAR MORE ABOUT YOUR THOUGHTS ON YOUR NEW PHONE AND JENNY WHO IS A BITCH.

Hawt16: your cute!!1! have 2 go now but email me kk???

Hawt16 has left the channel.


0100000101001001: I LOVE YOU.

0100000101001001: I WILL EXTERMINATE YOU LAST.

0100000101001001 has left the channel.



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For anyone who is interested, there is another entry from these logs HERE.